Thinking and feeling and wanting and trying

Obviously these are things that we all do on a daily basis.  What am I thinking, feeling, wanting, and trying right now?

I think: that I could have made myself some tea at home instead of spending $2 at Starbucks, but I AM using their internet...so yeah.  That works for me.

I feel: exhausted.  Last week just kind of took it all out of me.  I was able to charge my batteries some over the weekend with the 10k and watching cheesy old 90's movies alone in my room and eating bad pizza and ignoring people in general...but I really hope my leave gets approved for this Thurs/Fri.  I really need the time off.

I want: to believe something with my entire being.  No doubts (questions do not equal doubts).

I'm trying: to live life the best way I know how.  Maybe that's not good enough.  Maybe it's not good at all.  But it's better than nothing, isn't it?  It's better than never trying.

What are you thinking, feeling, wanting, and trying?

Functioning

Do more people than not function "normally"?  Is that a thing?  What is "normal"?  Hasn't that always been the question?
I'm pretty sure that I don't function in a "normal" fashion.  I talk to myself far too often (with hand gestures), eat ice cream even though I know it will give me bad gas (don't worry.  I did switch to almond milk), and make uber loads of friends over the internet.
Oh wait.  I think that last one is actually considered "normal" now.  Who knew that would ever happen?
AND THE LAST HOUR OF MY LIFE!  WHERE DID IT GO?
It wasn't even 2100 last time I looked at the clock.  Now it's almost 2200.  Where is time flying off to?
Oh yeah.  The internet.

But...yeah.  If I were to function "normally" for a day, I think it would look like this:
Wake up->Go to work->Come home->Eat food->Hang out with friends->Run->Read a book->Practice guitar->Go to bed.
not all days would look exactly the same...but that would be the general stuffs.
What my days actually look like is this:
Wake up->Drink coffee->Go to work->Drink coffee->Come home->Drink coffee->Youtube->Drink coffee->Blog->Drink coffee->Talk to my fish->Drink coffee->Read a book->Drink coffee->Practice guitar->Drink coffee->Talk to my stuffed animals->Drink coffee->Feed my fish turkey->Drink coffee->Drink a milkshake->Drink coffee->Talk to my computer friends->Drink coffee->Pretend that real people don't exist->Drink coffee->Go outside and look at the sunshine->Go to sleep

Yeah.

What would a "normal" day look like for you?

What does an actual day look like for you?

just...things.

I'm so..BLEH right now.  I have been pretty much all week.  And it's only Wednesday.  But all day today I thought it was Tuesday, so I don't really truly understand what's going on.
Maybe it's the pizza.
Maybe it's the fact that their are a couple hundred TV channels at my beck and call right now when there aren't usually.
Maybe it's because Pottermore is finally online!

Nope.  That's not "bleh".  I've been über excited about the Pottermore thing.  If you want to add me, my name is StormBlood2158.  Heck yeah.  Ravenclaw FTW.

Anyways...WHY AM I "BLEH"?!
And how is it Wednesday?

Did I go to work on Monday?  Because I remember nothing about Monday.  Nothing at all.  I thought my car was towed Monday morning, but it was definitely Tuesday.  Because I was almost late to the class I was tasked to teach.  BUT I MADE IT ON TIME.  Barely.  Like five minutes before class started.  So yeah.  Monday.  What happened?

I don't understand why I forget things so quickly.  Really quickly.  Because Monday is gone and not here anymore and it's like nothing happened on Monday.

What happened on Monday?

Did you do your taxes?

Guess what I found out yesterday!  It was tax day.
But we got a nice surprise this yearrrrrrrrBAM!  Tax day was pushed back to the 17th of April!  HUZZAH!  So if you haven't done your taxes, you might want to do them.  Like tomorrow.  Reallyreally soon.
I did mine back in February, but recently received an amended W-2 in the mail.  The "corrected" side of it looks exactly like what's on my Turbo Tax documents, so I've chosen to ignore it and see what happens.

I'll let y'all know from jail.

Bahahaha.

What did you spend your tax return money on OR what are you planning to spend it on?  I went on a shopping spree.  It was wonderful and unnecessary.  I'm usually not a big shopper (and go to thrift stores when I do choose to spend money on clothing!), but it was kind of fun to go to an actual MALL and HAVE MONEY TO SPEND.  I'm not used to that.  My Mama raised me too thrifty-minded to spend $30 on one shirt.
But I did it anyways.

And it won't happen again for a veryveryveryveryvery long time.  I can assure you of that.  I felt guilty as soon as I left the store.
But I love everything I bought, so I figure that justifies it.  This year.  Next year I'm taking my sister to the beach with my money.  It'll be her graduation present. :)  I'm glad she picked the beach.  ANNA!  Thank you for picking the beach.  I want to go to the beach NOW though.  So you should graduate early.  Like now.  Like this week.
If that were an option, life would be grand.

Okay.  Goodnight party people.   

Scary Monsters are Scary

Only the last part of this video is relevant to this blog post.

But what makes the scary monsters of our imagination so scary?  What makes anything scary for that matter?

See, I've been thinking about this.  And it's really hard to know the answer.  But I think that all fears lead back to a fear of death.

I'm not scared of the dark; I'm scared of things popping out of the dark and killing me.

You're not scared of snakes or spiders.  You're scared that you'll come across a poisonous one that will kill you.

You're not scared of heights.  You're scared of falling out of the tree and dying.

You're not scared of germs; you're scared of falling ill and dying.

 

Wrote that the other day, but didn't have time to finish. Now that I look over it again, I might not believe it.

I'm not scared of dying. I'm scared of living.

I don't have time to write a blog post, but this is what I did last week.