Angryness

Lately I've been getting angry over the stupidest things. 
My anger issue might be because of a lack of balance in my life.
That sounds about right.
There are certain things that each of us need in our daily lives in order to feel at peace with the world around us.
Balance.
I'll probably make a video series or some thing of that sort...you know, to really drive the point home.  Because I apparently really need the point driven home.

*Music.  My Mother raised me on music.  She is tone deaf and wanted her children to be different.  I need some of that singing and strumming and key pounding every day.
*Exercise.  At least an hour daily, but more if possible. 
*Sunshine.  This loveliness can usually happen while exercising.  I sit at a desk in a building with no windows for most of every day, so that's sad...but after work I get some.  On sunshiny days.  Non-sunshiny days suck butt.
*Books.  Fiction and non fiction.  They sit beside my bed and I read them.  I need some learning books and some science fiction books and some lovey dovey books and some everything books.  There is almost never a time when I'm not reading at least three simultaneously.
*Conversation.  The only requirement on this is solidity. 
*Writing.  For me.  For others.  For stories that might maybe happen because I have a sliver of an idea about them.  When writing for others and myself is not the same thing (usually is), well, that's the reason I have a word document and this blog.
*Human contact.  Outside of work.
The issue in all of this is that some of these things always get pushed to the wayside.  I'm tired.  I'm busy.  I don't want to.  But I need to in order to be myself.
What do you need in your life to find balance and happiness?
OH!  And fruits&veggies.  Those are necessities.


*some cool pictures come up when you google image "solidity". 

When to dip out on a first date

When would you dip out on a first date? 

I Don't Want To Hear About It

What do you not want to hear about?

Shirt Wisdom

Here in the US Air Force, we call our First Sergeant the "Shirt" (Link is origins.  Pretty interesting stuff).  Every week my unit's Shirt sends out an e-mail entitled "Shirt Spam".  It's some wisdom he wants to impart on us, a blurb about what's happening, and there's usually something historic written in there.  I really enjoyed today's "Shirt Spam", so now I'm imparting this on you.  Sorry.

((The next section is a copy/paste from the e-mail.))
Leadership Thought of the Week:
"Keep looking below surface appearances. Don't shrink from doing so (just) because you might not like what you find." Also,
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" is the slogan of the complacent, the arrogant or the scared. It's an excuse for inaction, a call to non-arms. It's a mindset that assumes (or hopes) that today's realities will continue tomorrow in a tidy, linear and predictable fashion. Pure fantasy. In this sort of culture, you won't find people who proactively take steps to solve problems as they emerge. Here's a little tip: Don't invest in these companies. (Powell/Harari 1996)

This Tuesday WILL be good.

I, unlike Moaning Myrtle, am happy more often than not.  The shit that is happening affects my happiness, yeah.  Is it possible to get past it? Definitely.
A list of happy Tuesday things.
1. It's Fat Tuesday.  Pancakes are delicoius.  Yum.
2. It's Tuesday.  That means AWANA.  Cute little kids make everything betterish.
3. There is a hollow chocolate apple sitting on my desk.
4. At the store the other night I decided to buy a different brand of tea than usual.  It's delicious.
5. I still suck at the comforting bit.  But he'll get through this, accept any consequences, and move on.  Survival is what I'm focused on.
6. Harry Potter is so freaking amazing.  I'm reading through the series for the...seventh(?) time.  On book 6. 
7. I'm in the USAF beotches!  That means I have a steady job for the next five years as long as I don't do anything stupid.  booyah.
8. ((Number eight left intentionally blank))
9. Betta fish are beautiful.
10. It's going to be around 70 degrees on Thursday.

Shock.

It's 11:19pm, EST. I just found out about this. I feel as if I might throw up. Have you ever been so shocked by something that throwing up was the only reaction you felt appropriate?

Nerdfighteria is my safe place. One of my very few safe places. I learned about it from him. I feel like my safe place might have just been ripped away. This is not because of what happened, but because of how quickly people are judging this shit by face value. They're not looking at Mike, the Mike they know, and saying “would he do something atrocious? Nah.”

Mike, if you ever read this, I count you as a friend. I'm planning to call you tomorrow to ask you personally about this. FYI.

We even discussed how fifteen year old's look nothing now like they used to. We joked about it.

I appreciate how much you've made me think since I met you. It's because of you that I've been exploring our world through science so much more than I ever did before. I've also truly been trying to figure out why I believe what I believe, because of you. I don't want it to be just my parent's religion like so many other people, and I've discovered that what I believe varies from what they believe more than I thought possible. The same basics, but some important details in theirs is missing in mine. Things I don't believe God would force on us.

I respect you, Mike.  That's the gist of that.  You make me think by using your intelligent thoughts.  You may have messed up according to the law, but sometimes the law is incredibly stupid (ie, Matt's Safe School Law and many others).

Oh, you just texted me. I DM'd you wanting to know; should've known you wouldn't be asleep. It's only 11:45pm now. All I can say to you is that you have a friend here. And please do nothing rash.

In this portion of my blog, I want to speak with you all about the age of consent. It's in place for a reason, I'm sure, but when is the government going to realize that people are going to do what they want to do no matter what the law is or how old they are? All of this happened over the internet and cell phones. There was nothing forced. How could it have been? Forcing yourself on someone is one thing; I believe that there is definite need for punishment in that matter, but willingly giving something? Not the same thing. You're probably saying “they're young. Impressionable. They were excited at being shown attention.” There were three girls involved, one 15 and two 17. Mike is 23. My parents are 9 ½ years apart. The age difference between my parents is greater than any of these. My parents were over the age of consent when they met, married, and proceeded to build themselves a large family, but what if Mom had been under? What if they had met when she was 15 and he was 24? What if they fell in love, decided to sex it up, and then Mom decided that she was through with him and the easiest way would be to go to the cops?

I wouldn't be here. Dad would have gone to jail and been scarred with the “pedophile” tag. I'm sure Mom wouldn't have married him then, especially if she was the one who marked him. Think about it.

I'm looking at Tumblr right now, and I see so many posts that say things like "this isn't the girl's fault in any way.  Mike was the adult in these situations".  It's true, he was the adult in everything that happened.  But why do we never place any of the blame on those who we deem the "victims"?  Why are they the victims?  We all make choices people.  Mike's was to ignore the age of consent, and theirs was to go along with it.  I say equal guilt for equal crimes.
But even if all of this is truly truly true...is anyone guilty of anything?  I feel like society paints it for us that it's just so wrong for girls to send pictures of themselves if they want to.  Their body, their life.  I'm 20, and if it were me there wouldn't be a public out cry.  Why not?  Because over the age of 18 we aren't easily bruised and broken flowers anymore?  If we're like that at any time in our lives, it's that way for life.  But most of us aren't, it's just the picture painted of females.  And I hate that.

There are also a lot of people deleting his music and crap because of this.  He hasn't been proven guilty yet, and even if he is and I totally lose my faith in him and all of that...why delete his music?  It's good music.  It's music that touched my heart.  This music is music of substance.  It may hurt for some people to hear his voice because they have cast him as guilty in their minds, but good music is good music y'all. 

That puking thing I mentioned earlier? Just happened. I feel a bit better, but it may continue on into the night.

I need to sleep on this now. Goodnight. Maybe I'll have more thoughts in the morning.

It's All About the Pity Candy

Single’s Awareness Day

To clarify, Wikipedia tells me that Single's Awareness Day can be celebrated the day before, of, or after Valentine's Day. This blog post is happening the day after. Therefore, I am celebrating on the 15^th this year. I suppose.

Now back to your previously scheduled blog post.

SAD. Look at the words above. They acronym down to SAD. I am single on this day, but I am not sad. I am aware of my singleness, so that makes me SAD, but not sad. You should never be sad about a choice that you made whilst in a sane mind.

Yes. Whilst. Actually, “whilst” was a personal goal of mine for this blog post. Goal fulfilled.

Such is the beauty of a blog post.

Why am I SAD today? Or rather, why am I acknowledging my SADness? I wouldn't have if not for last night. But I'm going to back up. Before the night of the 14^th, there was the night of the 13^th. On the night of the 13^th I had a dream. I had a dream that each and every one of my ex boyfriends (cuz there are sooo many. Right.) died. I was really only sad about the most recent since he and I are still tight. Anyway, I texted the most recent when I woke up and told him that I was sorry that he died in my incredibly odd/sad dream. Not remembering the reason behind his death, I said that it was probably to save the masses. That would be best, right?

So that is the first reason that I am truly SAD on this day. I acknowledged my single status by contacting my ex. There was a valid reason, but still.

The second reason is the pity that I was shown last night by a group of 5-8 year old children. On Tuesday nights I help out with a kid's group at the base chapel. Last Tuesday (7 Feb) there were fliers passed out about the Valentine's theme for this week. After I passed out the fliers, the adorable bunch of misfits gathered around me asking, “What are you and your boyfriend doing for Valentine's Day, Miss Molly?” I told them that I'm single. Boys have cooties, and I don't want cooties! EWWWWWW.
Apparently they saw through my “cooties” speech, because last night more than half of them brought me chocolate or candy. They all said things like, “Well, since you don't have a boyfriend to buy you candy I figured you needed to get it from somewhere”.

These children are way too adorable for their own good.

My favorite were the chocolates with the nutella inside. Who knew such a thing existed in all of creation? CHOCOLATE. With NUTELLA inside. It's almost too much good in one place.

But the point of this is that THEY PITIED ME. A group of insane, bouncy, brooding, dramatic, 5-8 year old’s took pity on me. By bringing me sugar in multiple forms. This made me very aware of my singleness.

Also, the boy that I decided not too awful long ago that I might possibly like had a Valentine today. He made her a rose. Made, not gave. Well, gave too I suppose. But yeah.

All three of these things combined made me way more aware that I'm single then I have been in a long time.

I don't need your pity candy.

Number of Chipotle burritos this year: 10/52