LOOK PEOPLE!

I don't know what to tell you.
So many crazy things happen in life...there's just nothing we can do about it.
People kill other people.  They eat their brains and faces.  They cut themselves and throw their innards at police. They die.
And it's not going to end for a very long time.

Life is crazy.
It's magical and amazing and ludicrous and a bunch of other adjectives that I can't think about right now because my brain is exhausted and I'm only awake because I'm waiting for my video to upload.

What am I trying to say?

You tell me...because I'm going to fall asleep now.  Maybe when I wake up for PT in six hours the world will be better.  Different.  Brighter.

And no one will talk about zombies anymore.

The world must balance.

So I totes have internet in my room now.  You know what that means?

Unrestricted watching of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer".
No more sitting outside of the library or Starbucks late at night.
I can upload videos anytime.
Blogs can happen more often.

I can skype from the safety and warmth (or coolness) of my room.
Tumblr.  Period.
Online window-shopping.

But...the world has to balance.  Do you know how it's decided to keep my overwhelming joy in check?

My ventilation is leaking. 

Blessings

I don't like when people say things like, “God is going to bless you so much for doing that!”.

I mean...how would they know what the heck God is going to bless someone for?!?!

The way I think about “God's blessings” is that if the Big Man upstairs wants to bless me, he will. When people say thing like that, I feel like I'm only participating in whatever activity in order to get “God's blessing”. Sometimes I feel that whoever is telling me this only does anything good because they feel the need for a blessing.

I mean, we've all got needs. Know how to fulfill them?? Go ahead! Get God's blessing!

But no. Really. Last night I sat with the older lady and talked to her because she looked lonely. Then I wanted out really badly when she told me her life story. There was no “servant's heart” there, just this 20 year old girl who really wanted to go hang out with the friends that kept on walking by. I wish I had wanted to be there, but the reality is that I didn't want to. Fifteen minutes in I wished I hadn't sat down. An hour in I considered faking a phone call. When the lights blinked to tell us to get the heck outta the building I was ecstatic...until she kept talking.

Even if God did want to bless me for sitting and letting a lady - whose name I didn't know until 45 minutes in - talk to me, I don't think I could accept that blessing. If the servant's heart and attitude had been there then sure. I'd accept. I'd have no issue. But there was no heart for the conversation. There was no wanting to be there.

So no. No blessing.

Writing.

Every so often an idea for a story ingrains itself into my head.  I can't function until it's on paper, so I write. 
The longest these mind-to-word-vomit-sessions have gone is just over 50,000 words.  That was for last year's NaNoWriMo.  Usually they don't get past the second paragraph.  Writing more than a few paragraphs is hard and scary. 
"Who would want to read this crap?"
"What if all I'm writing is crap?"
"Where can I safely burn this?"
"When will I stop hating all of my words?"
"Why is this so difficult?"
"How is this thesaurus not working in my favor?!"
This is funny, because writing was always my best subject.  Writing was the easiest for me.  But I guess that I'm just now realizing that putting words on paper doesn't necessarily mean that they're good words.
Cuz usually they're...not.

Shirt Wisdom

Here in the US Air Force, we call our First Sergeant the "Shirt" (Link is origins.  Pretty interesting stuff).  Every week my unit's Shirt sends out an e-mail entitled "Shirt Spam".  It's some wisdom he wants to impart on us, a blurb about what's happening, and there's usually something historic written in there.  I really enjoyed today's "Shirt Spam", so now I'm imparting this on you.  Sorry.

((The next section is a copy/paste from the e-mail.))
Leadership Thought of the Week:
"Keep looking below surface appearances. Don't shrink from doing so (just) because you might not like what you find." Also,
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it" is the slogan of the complacent, the arrogant or the scared. It's an excuse for inaction, a call to non-arms. It's a mindset that assumes (or hopes) that today's realities will continue tomorrow in a tidy, linear and predictable fashion. Pure fantasy. In this sort of culture, you won't find people who proactively take steps to solve problems as they emerge. Here's a little tip: Don't invest in these companies. (Powell/Harari 1996)